Sharing the Breastfeeding Journey: Co-Nursing

^{This article is part 2 of a series on ways individuals have found to navigate breastfeeding. You can read part 1 here.}

Co-nursing means that both the birth parent and the non-birth parent participate in breastfeeding. This creates a win-win-win scenario. 

For the baby, it means more opportunities to breastfeed and bonding time with both parents.

For the parents, it means having the most concrete support for breastfeeding possible. A meaningful experience to share with each other. And, of course, all of the documented health benefits of breastfeeding.

But just because it’s a process with incredible results, doesn’t mean it’s an easy path. 

We talked to 2 parents, Haley and Sara Stephens. Both are faculty in the Department of Pediatrics at UVA Health Children’s, and they knew all about the medical benefits of breastfeeding. They’d seen LGBTQ+ supportive providers. So, they knew that inducing lactation and co-nursing was possible.

What Led to Choosing to Induce Lactation?

Haley: I was the gestational parent for our twins, and it was always my goal to breastfeed. We knew that nursing twins is a lot of work, and Sara was immediately interested in inducing lactation.

Sara: I followed the Newman Goldfarb protocol. I had a great response, and I was producing milk before the twins arrived.

Welcome to the NICU

Their twins were born prematurely, at 34 weeks and 5 days. Like many babies born prematurely, they remained in the NICU until close to their due date.

NICU babies often aren’t ready to latch and nurse. That means navigating the NICU, breast pumps, and — for Sara and Haley — policies that needed to be adjusted.

Haley: In 2019, when our twins were born, UVA Health had never had a non-gestational parent give their milk to a baby in the NICU. But the medical team scrambled to adjust their policies and protocols to allow Sara to give her milk to our children, rather than having them consume donated milk or formula.

My milk had not come in enough yet to feed the premature babies what they needed. So they thrived almost exclusively on Sara’s milk delivered by NG tube while we awaited my supply.

Sara: Haley and I were pumping every 3 hours around the clock to produce milk. It was exhausting, but it was so wonderful to do it together. We were able to encourage each other and hold each other accountable for pumping. I did not like waking up in the middle of the night, but Haley was a champ about setting the alarm and getting us up and pumping.

From Pumping to Co-Nursing

Many parents prefer nursing to pumping for many reasons. There’s less to clean, for one. But NICU babies often can’t nurse effectively. But that doesn’t mean they can’t learn. Lactation consultants and speech language pathologists visit the NICU to help address the needs of new parents.

Haley: We were visited regularly by lactation consultants while our twins were in the NICU. They worked with us on positioning and latch. They encouraged us that we could do this even if the twins were slow to learn to feed.

We also had multiple outpatient visits with the lactation team after the twins were discharged from the NICU to make sure we were doing everything we could to be successful.

Approximately 1 month after discharge from the NICU, our twins were nursing well from both of us. But it was not without perseverance and a lot of cheerleading. We are so glad we stuck it out because our twins nursed happily for 2 years!

Sara: After the twins were exclusively breastfeeding (around 2 months old – one month old when adjusted for prematurity), we settled into an exclusive breastfeeding journey with them until they weaned shortly before they turned 2 years old.

We would trade which baby we would be in charge of feeding over nights and then we would take turns during the day.

Weathering the Challenges and Sharing the Joys

Being a parent can feel lonely sometimes. Breastfeeding is often one of those times. But Haley and Sara’s co-nursing journey shows how meaningful it can be to share that experience.

Haley: Anyone who has been a new parent trying to breastfeed understands how difficult it can be to learn to feed a baby. I feel so fortunate to have had Sara by my side to weather the highs and lows of the experience.

She was my teammate for everything, from pumping every 3 hours in the NICU, to mourning our children’s challenges with latching, to dancing around the room after those first successful breastfeeding sessions. It was pure magic to have my partner going through the exact same, highly emotional, journey as me. Not to mention, it was super helpful to not be the sole producer of milk and the only parent who could soothe children with breastfeeding.

Sara: The pandemic started when the babies were 3 months old (2 months adjusted). So Haley and I were both home with them. We then mostly did tandem feeds when we were providing caretaking and the other would pump or nurse when they would be done working. We had extra breastmilk that we donated to local families.

I had a long fertility journey leading up to the twins. I tried to get pregnant for 2 years without success. Being able to breastfeed the twins was magical and it allowed me to experience that part of motherhood.

2 Years of Nursing

A year of breastfeeding requires roughly 1,800 hours. Or essentially, a full-time job. 2 years for 2 babies is a lot of hours. But The American Association of Pediatrics and The World Health Organization agree. Extended breastfeeding offers several health benefits.

And at the end of 2 years, Haley and Sara had another journey to embark on.

Sara: I was able to finally get pregnant 2 years after the twins were born and we had our third little girl. Haley chose not to induce lactation for our singleton because it would have resulted in both of us having to pump excess milk to keep our supplies up, and we also had 2 toddlers at home, so we didn’t want to add any extra work to what we already had on our plates. It was nice having a partner who knew what it was like to breastfeed. She was incredibly supportive of my breastfeeding journey with baby #3.