I had never heard of the term “almond mom.” When my colleagues jokingly called me one, it sounded very silly.
I researched the origin of the term. It started from a clip of the TV show The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. When a model complains to her mother that she’s weak from hunger, the mother tells her to “eat a couple of almonds.”
My response: That’s not me! I hate being told to eat a small handful of ANYTHING. I’m a maximalist by nature. I can’t nibble just a bite. And I’d never suggested my kids should do anything differently.
But then I dug a little deeper. Things hit a little closer to home.
Definition of an Almond Person
I learned that an almond mom isn’t necessarily someone who outright tells their kids to eat less and lose weight. Instead, this type of parent tries to help their kids be healthy. They criticize extra cookies on a plate or the growing waistline of a neighbor not to shame anyone. They’ve just been taught to value size as an indicator of wellness.
Who hasn’t?
Most of us could probably attest to having that belief at least at some point in our lives. That’s because we live in a society dominated by diet culture. We’re all products of a world that does indeed judge people on appearance, prizing thinness. Eating disorders abound because so many of us feel pressured to conform to unrealistic ideals of what we should look like.
The Parent Trap
As parents, we model behaviors and communicate values to our kids all the time, consciously or not. Of course we do. We get trained by our own parents. We grow up, thinking we will avoid doing all the things our parents did. But then we become parents and, at some point, we’re repeating the cycle we vowed to break. “I’ve turned into my parents!” we might scream, horrified.
This is how I felt. I knew I needed to examine myself, because I knew I’d been influenced by someone who 100% fits the definition of an almond mom: my own mother.
My Own Almond Mom
My mom meant well. She wanted me to avoid the ridicule she experienced as an overweight teenager. Her aim was protective. She told me all the time how I was beautiful and perfect. She never wanted me to feel ashamed about my body.
The problem was, she wasn’t very good at hiding her own body shame. She is and always has been on a diet. Atkins, juicing, intermittent fasting, Weight Watchers, keto: She’s done them all. When she restricted her calorie intake, I followed along. I remember dinners of fat-free Cool Whip and Crystal Light. Or I’d dig into the peanut butter jar if I got hungry, while she microwaved a gelatinous wedge of Jenny Craig tofu.
We exercised, too. I remember doing Jane Fonda workouts in elementary school, feeling the burn. Then we tried to get buns and abs of steel. Skinny fashion models led us in aerobics on our tiny TV screen, and me and my mom plugged along, sometimes laughing at our pitiful moves.
That our sorry efforts to force our bodies to behave never worked did not deter her. At least we were ‘trying.’ That was the biggest critique mom launches at people she deems overweight — ‘they aren’t even trying.’
She taught me to try.
Our Bodies, Our Kids
Research shows that that how we think and talk about our bodies and food can impact our children. That includes their self-esteem, self-image, and overall health. According to one study, children 5 to 8 years old "who think their moms are dissatisfied with their body are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their own bodies.”
My mom never tried to make me feel bad about what I ate or how much I weighed. But she did expose me to the lifelong battle she’s waged against her own body. It’s a war she never wins.
Why Being an Almond Mom is Problematic
Acting like an almond mom can have long-lasting impacts on your child.
1. Food Becomes an Emotional Trigger
By making comments like "Are you sure you need seconds?" or "This is such a cheat meal," almond moms normalize the idea that food is either "bad" or "good." This labeling breeds feelings of guilt and shame around food.
2. Mental Health Consequences
Research shows that children exposed to diet culture at an early age are more likely to develop body image issues, disordered eating behaviors, and even full-blown eating disorders. These issues can hurt your child mentally and physically. They often last into adulthood.
3. Lower Self-Esteem
When a parent emphasizes being skinny or looking a certain way, a child can feel that their worth is tied to their appearance. This can impact their confidence and contribute to their own negative self-talk.
Things Almond Moms Say (And What They Really Mean)
Even the most well-meaning parents can turn into an almond mom. Knowing these patterns is the first step to breaking free from them.
1. "Are you sure you need seconds?"
What kids hear: "There’s something wrong with wanting more food."
Why it’s harmful: It introduces the idea that children should distrust their body’s hunger cues. They learn that hunger should be ignored. When they do listen to their body, they feel guilty.
2. "I’m being so bad for eating this."
What kids hear: "Eating certain foods is wrong, and I feel ashamed."
Why it’s harmful: This reinforces the idea that some foods are "bad" and should only be consumed with guilt.
3. "I’m skipping lunch today to make up for dinner."
What kids hear: "Skipping meals is an acceptable way to manage weight."
Why it’s harmful: Skipping meals can hurt your relationship with food and your physical health. Saying this around your kid models unhealthy behavior.
4. "I need to hit the gym to burn off last night’s meal."
What kids hear: "Exercise is punishment for eating."
Why it’s harmful: The attitude in this phrase frames eating as something you have to pay for, as if it’s a sin or fault. It makes exercise into a kind of enforced requirement, rather than a way to feel strong and energized.
5. "Do you really think you need that snack?"
What kids hear: "Eating snacks is wrong, and I’m judging your choices."
Why it’s harmful: Feeling judged about eating can lead children to hiding their eating and result in disordered eating habits.
6. "I wish I could lose those last 10 pounds."
What kids hear: "My worth and happiness depend on my weight."
Why it’s harmful: It teaches children to focus on their flaws rather than celebrating their bodies for what they can do.
7. “That teacher of yours sure put on the weight this summer, didn’t she?”
What kids hear: “You are judged as bad or good based on your body’s shape and size.”
Why it’s harmful: Children learn to judge the value and worth of themselves and others based on looks. The internalized stigma around weight can lead to a lack of self-acceptance and fractured self-esteem.
Am I Almond-y?
I can look back at the raising of my daughter, now 19, and see that I, too, said things similar to the quotes above. I didn’t inherit all of my mom’s self-loathing and impossible beauty standards. But I I’ve complained about my poochy gut. I’ve gone on diets and skipped meals. I’ve lashed at mirrors that show my pants failing to zip. And I definitely define junk food as bad.
I don’t know that I can undo any harm I’ve caused my daughter. But I can certainly change how I talk about myself in front of her going forward.
